Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
