That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
