I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
