If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
