Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
