he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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