Umm I'm too high to move.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were trust falling into bushes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
