OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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