consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
