just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
