No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
