I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
