I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
