I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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