the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
