She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
