and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
