I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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