Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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