So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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