My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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