So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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