You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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