Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
