If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
