oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
