Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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