i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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