Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
