Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
