She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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