At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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