I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
