Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
