Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He felt like a one man threesome
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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