He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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