I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just tell him i said nine months
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
