Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
