dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
