Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
