is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
