Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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