Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
