Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
