she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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