You just made me feel so damn special
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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