I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
