after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
