Are we in a gay sports bar?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
