i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
