Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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