o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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