Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
