im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She told me I should be a condom model.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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