I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
