id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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