Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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