Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
