I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize