Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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