note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
