Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
