Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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