I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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