He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
