after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
