first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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