there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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