who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
