Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
