If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We have started to decorate penises.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
