Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
